I dint like what happened that day, I never will.

The Hero, Anti Hero or Villain?

   Last Sunday was quite unmanageable with time, as is the case with me. A little miscalculation of time and I was late for a meeting that my friend Yash had been calling me to attend, since a few weeks now. And once you are late, you are kind of late for almost everything that happens beyond that, EVERYTHING. While waiting for a friend at Rajiv Chowk Metro Station, I suddenly bumped into another old friend of mine, Vibhav. A few chit chat at the stop and we were out at the Inner Circle.

  We chatted across everything we hadn't talked about since long, old office, our new lives, drinks, women, trips and tours, about him and about me while we kept touring the inner circle till I saw this bare-footed old man standing with head down and back bent, holding a few pens in his hand, silently calling people to buy his pens. At first, I ignored. Next second, it felt a little uneasy seeing his bare feet. Third second, I asked Vibhav if he can contribute 100 with me so we can gift him new slippers. Its cold in Delhi. I don't think its nice to see someone that old standing bare foot. It never is.

  So, we came a little towards the road, noticed under which signboard (It was Blackberry's) he was standing and went back to Paalika to buy new slippers. Before that, we tried understanding what his feet size may be, and we concluded on 8. Reached Palika, chose a slipper, bought and set sail happily to give this man his new pair. I was feeling happy, and it seems Vibhav also was quite happy.

 We reached him. I was hiding the slippers behind my back. 
I asked him,"ये पेन कितने हैं ?" (How many pens are these)
He said ,"पाँच " (five)
I - "कितने के दोगे"(For how much will you give me these?)
He - "पाँच  सौ " (Five hundred rupees)

I was taken aback!!! 500 for a local pen???? It wasn't a known pen company either - leave aside brands like Pilot or a Parker. I checked the box for its MRP, Rs 10/piece was CLEARLY mentioned there. Then why is he asking a sum 10 times than the total cost?

I thought may be he is a little agitated. Look at the pic again. Now you have an idea how I must be feeling, isn't it? Again I asked,"अगर मैं आपको सौ रुपए दे दूँ तो सारे दे दोगे ? (If I give you 100 Rs will you give me all)

He said ,"नहीं" (No)

Not even after doubling the amount??? WTF?? Alrite. I bent down to his feet, placed the slippers right next to them and smiled at him. I said "अंकल आप ये पेहेन लो ये मैं आपके लिए लाया हूँ" (Uncle please wear this I got these for you) His reply was pat on my face.

"अगर पांच सौ रुपए हैं तो दो, मुझे नहीं चाहिए तुम्हारी चप्पल! (If you can give me 500 Rupees, then give it. I don't need your slippers)

Next sentence I heard from him was totally shocking. It came in full, brilliantly spoken, well-accented ENGLISH - "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH MY EXPENDITURE IS. I AM HUNGRY AND I NEED 500 Rs. NOTHING LESS. LEAVE IF YOU CANT GIVE."

I saw Vibhav who was literally blank with expressions. We were still to believe that a man who looked so shabby, appeared in dire need to sell his pens to survive, wasn't really selling pens. He was begging. Disguised begging!! I left the slippers uttering these last words to him " ये आप ही के लिए लाया था, जो मन करे कर लेना। " (I got this only for you, do whatever you want to do with it) 

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  We looked at each other and started moving forward. I just got a virtual slap from a man that I really wanted to help. I was expecting nothing except a smile, I think not even that. More than that, I wanted to feel good about the day, that I did something that pleased me, left ,me satisfied. It actually left me questioning my motive, his behavior, the whole intent, human kind, overthinking again, eh?

  Something clicked me & I asked Vibhav to wait. I went back to take his picture so I could keep my memory of what I had experienced right now. Though I am not like those people who do not commit same mistake twice, I had still wanted to keep this mistake of "belief" and "trust" that I endowed on a human being again. ANOTHER SURPRISE, the slippers were taken by the old man himself. What? I mean, what? Really?

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  I am stuck at a point where I should question whose morality. Mine or his or our behavioral patterns or what? Right or wrong or what? I am still not able to chew the fact that first, you need what you need no matter what happens, somebody trying to help you in anyway possible is basically against your ego or something close to it. If I put it simply in terms of marketing, this customer was judged as per his appearance, and I ended up serving him the wrong product. Now when the customer got this product for free, he is enjoying it even if it means no use. Is the world a damn market now?

  If I put it morally, I saw this man, felt bad he is wrecking himself in that cold, offered him help, got slapped in return because that wasn't the "help" he actually wanted.  It was greed, or was it? Why couldnt he take 100 and why was he so hell bent on taking a 500 note? Knowing them and my recent tryst with these people due to NGO work, its kind of a perception that has clouded me lately - cocaine, drugs or desi daaru - its a very huge possibility that he wanted that much amount to suffice for any of these three. 100 Rs could have helped him for that 1 time meal, he had a whole day for that, why not then? Why wait for a guy to walk upto you and you proudly serve your cold ego to him on a hot plate?

  My mind is bleeding words right now. You can allege me for over-thinking but yes I am sensitive. I take things by heart and even though tomorrow I will forget what happened at CP, I had chose to give it a thought about it. My faith in humans has faded away. I see my mother and she looks an altogether different person to me, and I see people like her. On the other side, I have seen humans like this 'old man" and lot of chapters that i went through on Dec 16, 2014. This is why I feel alienated. Who are these faces? How hidden they can be? Whose face is real and who is hiding? Was Batman fake or the Joker real, or the Joker fake or Batman real? Both had a mask, but why one is a knight and the other a perceived villain? They stood right at their places, so who was wrong? And here I am, neutral. Wishing to be Venom or Spiderman, but becoming none. Wishing to be a human being, than being a rich or a poor. Wishing to be me, while I can be. Yet these people, my specie, is something I wont ever understand. I tried to, but they fail me. I fail them. That's my whole fight. 

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